Atheism
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[[Image:Mh.jpg|thumb|283px|Imoteph, a Beef Monkey.]]
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[[Image:Tennantm.PNG|thumb|230px|left|A Beef Monkey, with a typical teleportation device on Gallifrey.]]
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[[File:Monkey.png|thumb|right|Stare into the eyes of Mighty Imoteph]]
Beemonkism is the belief in a God known as Imoteph, an egyptian God in Monkey Form. Also known as the Monkey of the fruit of knowledge. A Beef Monkey is it's real form, and minion, they have the power to jump on people's heads; instantly killing them. If their religion is rejected they have the power to destroy the cosmic horizon.
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'''Beemonkism '''is the belief in a [[God]] known as Imoteph, an Egyptian God in Monkey Form. <ref>A Beef Monkey is its real form, and they have the power to jump on people's heads; instantly killing them. If their religion is rejected they have the power to destroy the cosmic horizon.</ref> The Beefmonkey rules over those who are prepared to eat ham and beef so that rules out [[Judaism|Jews]], [[Hinduism|Hindus]] and vegetarians.
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====This is considered heretical by some====
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Those who reject ham and beef and therefore reject the Beefmonkey god may still [[Fun:Prayer to a Jug of Milk|pray to a Jug of Milk]] and there is even the [[Fun:Prayer to a Jug of Milk|Carton of Soy Milk]] for those who fail to drink cow's milk. Beemonkism is part of the [[Religion of the Nutrients]]. This is a [[polytheism|polytheistic]] religion and so far three gods/goddesses have revealed themselves to those who have [[faith]].
   
 
====Creation====
 
====Creation====
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[[Image:Mh.jpg|thumb|A monkey minion of the Great Beef]]
 
Imoteph and the Beef Monkeys were created by themselves on the planet of Gallifrey, coincidently they were ancestors of the Time Lords, the mightiest and most knowledgeful beings who have ever existed, who had control of the TARDIS', time machines. Imoteph later moved to Earth because of housing problems and took refuge in Egypt, later to become Imotephi, god of all beef.
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Imoteph and the Beef Monkeys were created by themselves on the planet of Gallifrey, they were ancestors of the Time Lords, the mightiest and most knowledgeable beings who have ever existed, who had control of the TARDIS time machines. Imoteph later moved to Earth because of housing problems and took refuge in Egypt.
   
 
====Powers====
 
====Powers====
   
 
* Power of Flight
 
* Power of Flight
* Sand Manipulation
 
 
* Time Manipulation
 
* Time Manipulation
 
* Teleportation
 
* Teleportation
 
* Human Flesh-to-beef conversion
 
* Human Flesh-to-beef conversion
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* Rapid Cell Regen
 
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All the above is ''self evident'' to those of [[faith]] though others may have trouble finding evidence for any of it.
   
 
====Ways to destroy a Beef Monkey minion====
 
====Ways to destroy a Beef Monkey minion====
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* Call upon [[God]]. (Might not work)
 
* Call upon [[God]]. (Might not work)
 
* Do nothing.
 
* Do nothing.
 
* Stab it with Yggdrasill's knife of everlasting gibbon.
* Reject the religion, this will 'cause said hostile monkey to die, killing you also.
 
 
* Wake up, you're [[hallucination|hallucinating]]. Beef Monkeys aren't real...
* Don't.
 
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* Throw some Anti-matter at it. (This will kill you also, as well as the entire world)
* Throw Fable at it.
 
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* Stab it with Yggdrasill's knife of everlasting--
 
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==See also==
* Throw a duracell battery at said monkey.
 
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*[[Fun:Becoming a beef monkey]]
* Kill yourself, you're hallucinating. Beef Monkeys aren't real... or are they?
 
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*[[Fun:Prayer to a Jug of Milk]] For vegetarians who can also worship the Jug of Milk and praying to a Jug of Milk works as well as praying to [[God]].
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*[[Flying Spaghetti Monster]]
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*[[Invisible Pink Unicorn]]
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==Footnotes==
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<references/>
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[[Category: God]]
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[[Category:Parody religion]]
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[[Category:Fun]]

Latest revision as of 02:11, 11 August 2019

Tennantm

A Beef Monkey, with a typical teleportation device on Gallifrey.

Monkey

Stare into the eyes of Mighty Imoteph

Beemonkism is the belief in a God known as Imoteph, an Egyptian God in Monkey Form. [1] The Beefmonkey rules over those who are prepared to eat ham and beef so that rules out Jews, Hindus and vegetarians.

This is considered heretical by some

Those who reject ham and beef and therefore reject the Beefmonkey god may still pray to a Jug of Milk and there is even the Carton of Soy Milk for those who fail to drink cow's milk. Beemonkism is part of the Religion of the Nutrients. This is a polytheistic religion and so far three gods/goddesses have revealed themselves to those who have faith.

Creation

Mh

A monkey minion of the Great Beef

Imoteph and the Beef Monkeys were created by themselves on the planet of Gallifrey, they were ancestors of the Time Lords, the mightiest and most knowledgeable beings who have ever existed, who had control of the TARDIS time machines. Imoteph later moved to Earth because of housing problems and took refuge in Egypt.

Powers

  • Power of Flight
  • Time Manipulation
  • Teleportation
  • Human Flesh-to-beef conversion

All the above is self evident to those of faith though others may have trouble finding evidence for any of it.

Ways to destroy a Beef Monkey minion

  • Call upon God. (Might not work)
  • Do nothing.
  • Stab it with Yggdrasill's knife of everlasting gibbon.
  • Wake up, you're hallucinating. Beef Monkeys aren't real...
  • Throw some Anti-matter at it. (This will kill you also, as well as the entire world)

See also

Footnotes

  1. A Beef Monkey is its real form, and they have the power to jump on people's heads; instantly killing them. If their religion is rejected they have the power to destroy the cosmic horizon.